And another thing...

Tour de Irrelevant update

INDIANAPOLIS -- The start of the Brickyard 400 is a few hours off yet, so I thought this would be a good time to fill in all five of you who are still following the Tour de WhoCares:

* Carlos Sastre of Spain wrapped up the 2008 Tour de France title in a time trial yesterday, unless he falls off his bike on the generally ceremonial last stage today.

* Cheater tally to date: Three riders have been kicked out for doping so far.

* Top American is Christian Vande Velde, who's currently fifth.

That is all.

-- Ben Smith

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Old guy love

INDIANAPOLIS -- OK, confession time. I'm not exactly objective about the Allstate 400 at the Brickyard this weekend.

(Yeah, I hear you out there. "When are you ever?" Very funny, smart guy).

Anyway, if you're asking me who I think is going to win Sunday, I'd have to go with the hot hand, Kyle Busch, or maybe the two guys who know their way around this place best, Tony Stewart and Jeff Gordon. But if you asked me who I'd LIKE to see win, there's only one answer: Mark Martin.

One, he's 49 years old. Two, he's one of the best human beings breathing air. Three, it would be something in the way of a payback from the fates after getting the rug pulled out from under him in the last 150 yards or so at Daytona in 2007.

Four, I like his attitude.

"Absolutely," he said Friday, when asked if stepping away from the sport on a full-time basis has given him a fresh perspective on things. "I did this stuff for 19 years, and you get ground down into the ground. And I got to step back and caught my breath and did the things i couldn' do before and was frustrated because I didn't have time to do them.

"Now I've stepped back, I've caught my breath and I've done all those things. I feel like I've got it all now. I felt like my life was one-sided and lopsided before. Now I feel like it's come a complete circle in every aspect."

How do you not like that?

-- Ben Smith

Favre update

INDIANAPOLIS -- And now the latest Brett Favre news, because, hey, who doesn't want to hear Brett Favre news?

(Seriously, if this bizarre little psychodrama goes on much longer, someone will launch the Brett News Network, or BNN. All Brett, all the time. Brett 24/7. Applications for the anchor slots are now being accepted).

Anyway ... the latest is that the Buccaneers and Jets have asked for permission to talk to Brett. Meanwhile, Brett is threatening to show up for the Packers' training camp tomorrow.

More as the story develops. Or not.

-- Ben Smith

Seeing red

INDIANAPOLIS -- Down here at the Speedway for the NASCAR boys this weekend, but before I get into any of that ... welcome to today's Gratuitously Self-Indulgent Blob Take.

Which is: It's bad enough being a fan of a hopelessly inept baseball team. But when that team doesn't even know how to dress, it's just salt in the wound.

I'm referring, of course, to my Pirates, who by some miracle of the modern age actually turned up on TV last night under the misleading name "Major League Baseball."  And they were wearing ... red. Red sleevelss uniform top over the traditional black long-sleeved undershirt.

OK, first let me state the obvious. The Pirates' colors are black and gold. Not red. Not, not, not. Red is for the Reds. Red is for the Red Sox and IU basketball and the Soviet hockey team. Red is not for the descendants, faint as the historic link may be these days, of Roberto Clemente and Pops Stargell.

I'm not generally a proponent of violent retribution -- if you believe it works, you've seen too many movies -- but whoever had the idea of outfitting my Bucs in these hideous threads should be flogged. Repeatedly.

That is all.

-- Ben Smith 

Cuban still in it

Good news, Cubs fans: Dallas Mavericks' owner Mark Cuban has apparently made the first cut in the Who Wants To Own The Lovables Sweepstakes.

As I've said before in both the Blob and the dinosaur editions, I think Cuban owning the Cubs would be the best thing to hit baseball since Morganna the Kissing Bandit. The game needs new blood and a certain element of wackiness. No one would better provide both.

-- Ben Smith 

JoePa plays it coy

And speaking of geezers overstaying their welcome ...

Joe Paterno addressed the question of his retirement at the Big Ten football confab today. And addressed it, and addressed it.

So many times was he asked about it, in fact, that he finally blew up at one reporter and spelled out the words "I d-o-n-t k-n-o-w" in response to the question. He may well have a timeline for calling it quits, in his heart of hearts. But he's keeping it to himself if he does.

Frankly I think his timeline is I'll-Quit-When-They-Pry-My-Cold-Dead-Hands-From-This-Whistle." After which he'll have himself cryogenically frozen, ala Ted Williams, and return to the sideline when science figures out how to reverse the aging process.

Then we'll have JoePa to kick around for another century or so. I can't wait.

-- Ben Smith

Senior moment

This has to be some kind of record. Two days in a row now I'm writing about the WNBA.

This time it doesn't have anything to do with the Alice in the Palace, which drew suspensions for 10 players and Detroit assistant Rick Mahorn today. It has to do with 50-year-old Nancy Lieberman, who just signed a seven-day contract with the Shock.

As a player.

Lieberman was already the oldest player ever to suit up for a WNBA game, when she played in 1997 as a 39-year-old. Now she's 11 years beyond that and eligible to suit up again, albeit only for one game.

The Shock swears this isn't a publicity stunt, and maybe it isn't. The team is, after all, shorthanded at the moment. And Lieberman is a former coach with the team.

But playing pro hoops at 50?

Makes me want to dig my old ABA ball out of the closet and go hoist a few threes.

-- Ben Smith

Girls just wanna have fun

I have the perfect name for what happened between the Detroit Shock and L.A. Sparks at the conclusion of their WNBA game the other night in Auburn Hills, Mich.:

The Alice in the Palace.

No, no one went into the stands. Fans and players didn't throw down. But there was a sort of half-you-know-what brawl that was highlighted by Detroit assistant Rick Mahorn "pushing" Lisa Leslie to the floor.

(Actually, he didn't. He was merely trying to shoo her away from the melee and she fell down. But of course it won't get legislated that way).

Look for fines and suspensions and general hand-wringing to come out of this as the WNBA begins its investigation.  It's one thing for men to get into fisticuffs on the basketball floor. But women are allegedly both smarter and more evolved than their knuckle-dragging counterparts -- which might be why no one with anything better to do watches the WNBA.

Frankly, this could be the best thing that ever happened to the league. Those of us who've watched the women play and have an appreciation for their game say they're just as fierce and competitive as the men. Now we've got proof.

-- Ben Smith    

Mascot time

Loyal followers of the Blob (all two of you) are well aware by now of my somewhat disturbing mascot fetish.

Well, boys and girls, it's that time again. With college football just more than a month away now, here is one man's version of the top 10 college mascots.

Personally I think it's a little heavy on live animals, but that's just me. I'd have probably bumped the West Virginia Mountaineer up the list some, just because he gets to carry a firearm. And Boilermaker Pete should have been on there somewhere, because he gets to carry a big hammer.

And I really don't see how you can leave off the Oregon Duck. He should have been way up there, if for no other reason than his celebrated beatdown of the Washington State Cougar last fall.

Can't wait for the Lamest 10 College Mascots. I've got some thoughts there, too.

-- Ben Smith    

You're in the Army now ...

Remember the flap about Caleb Campbell, the Army football player drafted by the Lions?

The Army was going to allow him to play right away while serving his required hitch as a "recruiter," which got a lot of old-schoolers up in arms, no pun intended. Well, never fear. The Army has now changed its mind, and its policy, requiring Campbell to serve in a full-time capacity after all.

I've got no problem with this, being something of an old-schooler myself. When you commit to the military, the military owns you down to the last corpuscle. If they say no special dispensation because you happen to be an NFL prospect, then no special dispensation.

What I do have a problem with is the way the Army allowed Campbell to go through the draft, THEN yanked the rug out from under him by abruptly changing its policy. Campbell apparently contemplated leaving the academy three years ago for just this reason, but was convinced to stay (and lend his considerable services to Army football, of course) by the previous policy. Now that he's gone and of no further use to the Army program, they lower the boom on him.

Not right. Not right at all.

--- Ben Smith