And now for our weekly Blob feature, a 3-yard run off tackle around the En Eff (’Ell, It’s Cold Out Here), in recognition that when you play football outdoors in places like Chicago and Buffalo two days before Christmas, a 3-yard run constitutes trickeration:
* Speaking of Christmas, it wouldn’t be the holiday if there weren’t coal in somebody’s stocking. And so let’s hear it for Cleveland, Green Bay and Tampa Bay, all of whom lost cruddy games to cruddy teams.
Good job, guys.
Oh, and a special commendation to Brett Favre, who went cliff-diving off his pedestal. One week he’s an athletic god; the next, he’s losing to Kyle “Screw This, I’ll Just Hand Off” Orton.
* Speaking of Orton, this week’s Rex Grossman Update: 0-of-0 passing for zero yards with zero touchdowns and zero interceptions. In zero wind chills. With zero chance that, by the end, he was thinking that “Jack Frost nipping at your nose” was a really, really cute Christmas lyric.
* New England cruise-controlled Miami. The Colts marinated the Texans. And Jacksonville, looking more and more like trouble, disassembled the Raiders like a 4-year-old taking apart Legos.
In other news, the sun rose in the east.
* This week’s Tru-Value Waste Of A Perfectly Good Sunday Afternoon: The rotting-before-our-eyes Lions failed to lose to the what’s-that-smell Chiefs 25-20, despite being outgained 407 yards to 236 and converting just 27 percent of their third downs.
This was not to be confused with the Rolaids Best Argument Against Overtime Ever, in which the going-nowhere Cardinals and chalk-outline Falcons went extra minutes before the Cardinals won 30-27. Kurt Warner threw for 361 yards and three scores, thereby answering the question, “If Kurt Warner throws for 361 yards and three scores and no one is there, does it make a sound?”
The answer is, “No.”
* Last but not least, this week’s Marty Schottenheimer, Won’t You Come Home Update: In the first Christmas Eve game of the Norv Turner Error, the Chargers took on the sorry Broncos, who couldn’t stop the run lately with dynamite.
Norv’s reaction: “We’re gonna throw. That Drew Brees guy’s having a great year for us.”
I’m done. Over to you, Santa Madden.
-- Ben Smith
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