And another thing...

Tuna surprise

First Bill Parcells was going to Atlanta. Then he turned up in Miami. Tomorrow I'm guessing he'll be in, um, Baltimore maybe.

Is there anyone more fickle than the Tuna, with the possible exception of an eighth grader who's going steady? Is there anyone who gives his word and then takes it back more egregiously, with the possible exception of Bobby Petrino?

For the time being he's about to become director of football operations for the Dolphins, 24 hours or so after Falcons owner Arthur Blank was under the impression he was about to become the director of football operations for HIM. And so it goes.

And so, if Tuna really does sign in Miami -- and there's no guarantee until his signature has actually dried on the contract -- you can cue up the appropriate background music for head coach Cam Cameron.

The "Jaws" theme seems right. Geographically and otherwise.

-- Ben Smith 

Blame game

Clearly there's something in the water down in Dallas, and I don't mean vitamins, minerals and teeth-whitening fluoride.

Some form of hallucinogen. That's my guess.

No other explanation is possible now that we learn Cowboy fans, and even Terrell Owens, are blaming Jessica Simpson for Tony Romo's subpar performance in the 'Pokes' 10-6 loss to Philly on Sunday. According to T.O. and the fans, Tony's new squeeze was a 'distraction' who made Romo throw all those cruddy passes -- as if, before every snap, he was looking up all starry-eyed toward the suite where she was sitting.

Oh, pleeeze. Are these people kidding?

Look, if Romo had a problem Sunday, it was with his bum thumb, not his celebrity girlfriend. Sane people understand this. Unfortunately, not many of those apparently live in Dallas.

And as for T.O. ...

Well. He's T.O. Today he recanted, saying he was only joking. Typical.

-- Ben Smith 

Thompson wronged

Well, ain't this lovely. After all the smoke and mirrors and finger-pointing and full-scale ocean cruises through the Self-Interest Sea, it appears Ronny Thompson wasn't exactly lying after all.

We still don't know who slid those little KKK love notes under the office doors of he and his staff down at Ball State. But we do know he was telling the truth when he said he hadn't violated any NCAA rules regarding unauthorized workouts.

Ball State sold that particular nugget as fact last summer, reporting he had knowingly or otherwise ran afoul of the rulebook not once but twice. Now the school comes out, several shades more red in the face than the official cardinal, to report sheepishly that "unprofessional behavior" by a then-employee tainted the school's original report to the NCAA.

Marvelous. So my alma mater once again looks like a pack of Cooters and Cletuses who can't get out of their own way, and in so doing smeared the reputation of a black coach with a proud basketball name.

According to the Associated Press, the Indiana Supreme Court let BSU off the hook in regard to allegations the school unlawfully discriminated against Thompson, and said there wasn't enough evidence to support the charge that Ball State created "an unlawful racially hostile environment."

Well, bully for them. There are still the notes. There is still the unnamed bonehead in the athletic department whose unspecified "unprofessional conduct" (I'm thinking he lied to someone about Thompson's actions) turned the whole report into a virtual witch hunt. There's still the image all of this projects, which is not an image that reflects fairly on the school but is certainly one it's earned by its handling of this whole mess.

And so Ball State formally apologized to Thompson today. They've also apparently resolved their differences monetarily. Again, bully for them.

Thompson gets his rep back. Ball State just gets its rep, once again, backed into.

-- Ben Smith            

Say 'bye, Bobby

Look, I know Bobby Bowden is a living legend. I know he's right up there in the pantheon with Joe Paterno and Bear Bryant and Lou Holtz and Bo Schembechler.

But it's time for the guy to go.

It's not just that as many as 25 of his football players may get kicked out of the Music City Bowl for their alleged involvement in a widespread academic cheating scandal, in which they were supposedly fed the answers to an online final. That's bad enough, suggesting as it does that, once again, Bobby's got issues with institutional control. But it's on the field where Bowden's got real headaches.

Once a fixture in the top five in the country, the Seminoles have become, well, just another team. They went 7-5 this year and finished outside the top 25 for the third straight year, inconceivable for a program that not all that long ago was in the mix for the national championship every year. Now they're in the mix every year for the Music City Bowl.

Time for Bobby, who's 78 and in his 33rd season, to step away. God knows he's earned the rest -- and Florida State's earned the right to kick-start a steadily declining program.

After all, no sense giving old rival Steve Spurrier more ammo. Once, after several Seminoles got caught taking free athletic gear, he dubbed FSU "Free Shoes University."  Now, apparently, it's "Free Scores University."

Quit now, Bobby. Before the jokes reach critical mass.

-- Ben Smith    

Hypocrite of the year

Good news for Pete Rose, shamed Hit King and All-Star liar: He's got a future in standup.

I mean, has ANYTHING been funnier this year than Charlie Hustler, of all people, telling baseball's steroid cheaters that they've made "a mockery of the game"?

That's what Rose said Wednesday night, and here is ebb tide for the Pastime. When a slug like Pete Rose can feel morally superior to you, you truly have sunk to a new low.

Not that Pete wagging his finger at baseball isn't, you know, completely outrageous. Not only did the man violate baseball's most sacred rule -- he bet on his own team -- but, if he wasn't doing steroids, there's plenty of evidence to suggest he was, like most players of that era, gobbling amphetamines as fast as he could gobble them. But the Steroids Era shamed the game?

To quote Woody Allen in "Bananas": Having Rose stand piously in judgment of baseball is a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of two mockeries of a sham. Or something.

-- Ben Smith   

Voice inactivated

Like we didn't know THIS would happen sooner or later.

Dick Vitale had surgery Tuesday. On his vocal cords.

Yes, after 29 years of screaming and yelling, the pipes finally gave out. Got clogged with hairballs composed entirely of miniature "Oh, babeees" or something. Got backed up with several thousand "diaper dandies." Became infested with tiny raving cries of "It's the General, babeee!" Something.

Now he'll be off the air until early February -- when Vitale promises, he'll be back with a voice as good as new, if not better.

I'm hoping for "better." Actually, I'm hoping for, say, Robert Goulet.

-- Ben Smith

My Christmas list

This might be the most important entry of all the entries you've suffered through yet on the Blob this year. So listen up.

I just found what I want for Christmas.

Found it in an e-mail release from a company called Destineer, which has produced a video game for Wii and Nintendo DS called Indianapolis 500 Legends. According to the release, it puts the "player behind the wheel of cars driven by real-life legends like A.J. Foyt, Parnelli Jones and more" from the 1960s.

What this says to me is I could discover what it was like to drive one of Foyt's legendary Sheraton-Thompson roadsters. Or Jones' fabled No. 98 roadster "Calhoun." Or the STP turbine. Or, best of all, the Lotus-Ford driven by my all-time racing fave, Jimmy Clark, to victory in the 1965 Indy 500.

Swwweeeeet.

Not only that, the Indianapolis 500 Legends game apparently also includes "mission-based" racing that enables the player to recreate some of the 500's most famous moments. Which says to me I could recreate the 1966 "500," when Clark got jobbed out of a second straight win by a scoring error.

In other words, I could make Jimmy a two-time winner!

Swwwweeeeet squared.

  -- Ben Smith

Parting of the ways

So Alex Rodriguez and longtime agent/adviser/mentor Scott Boras are Split City, or so A-Rod told Katie Couric on "60 Minutes" the other night.

Boras and Rodriguez have been a team since A-Rod was in high school, but apparently the whole docudrama with the Yankees -- Boras advising him to opt out of his contract, which produced a gaudy media splash literally in the middle of the World Series, which made A-Rod look, well, kinda self-indulgent -- didn't sit well with Rodriguez. So he and Boras are not, at the moment, speaking to each other.

"Not right now," Rodriguez said.

Gosh. My opinion of A-Rod just went way, way up.

-- Ben Smith

Speed bump

Today's Dog Bites Man Moment comes to us from Laon, France, where the cops don't really care who you are.

Just recently, after all, they pulled over a young man for driving 196 kilometers per hour (that's 123 mph for the metrically challenged) and banned him from driving on French roads for a month.

Apparently speeding is speeding in France, even if you're Formula One phenom Lewis Hamilton and speeding is, well, your job, kinda.

"He no longer has a permit on national territory," police spokesperson Arnaud Dujardin told the Associated Press, adding that Hamilton was "very courteous" to the officers who pulled him over.

-- Ben Smith

In memoriam

A brief moment of non-levity here on the Blob to remember Jim Holstein, who passed away today.

Old farts like me will recall Jim as the longtime basketball coach and athletic director at Saint Francis, where he is no doubt being fondly remembered this day. My own memories of Jim pre-date Saint Francis; he was the basketball coach at Ball State while I was there, and his son, Bob, both played for him and lived on my dorm floor. Good guy.

Long, long ago, when dinosaurs walked the earth, I wrote a column in the Ball State student newspaper defending Jim when he and the program were going through a rough patch. He was getting sniped at by some of the students and I went to bat for him in print, mostly because I thought he was a decent sort (as was his son, of course) and deserved better.

It's worth remembering today.

-- Ben Smith